31 Oct 2009 10:08 AM

A friend sent me this one via email and we all had a great laugh at the office.

Subject:  Anger Management

If you've had a bad day and you just need to take it out on someone,
don't take it out on someone you know, take it out on someone you
don't know.

I was sitting at my desk when I remembered a phone call I'd forgotten
to make. I found the number and dialed it.

A man answered, saying  "Hello." 
I politely said, "This is Dylan.  Could I please speak with
Robyn Carter?"

Suddenly a mainiac voice yelled out in my ear "GET THE RIGHT F* **ING
NUMBER JERK!" and the phone was slammed down on me.

I couldn't believe that anyone could be so rude.

When I tracked down Robyn's correct number to call her, 
I found that I had accidentally transposed the last two digits.

After hanging up with her, I decided to call the "wrong" number again.

When the same guy answered the phone, I yelled "You're an arse-hole!"
and hung up.  Strangely, it felt really good...

I wrote his number down with the word "arse-hole" next to it,
and put it in my desk drawer.

Every couple of weeks when I was paying bills or had a really bad day, 
I'd call him up and yell, "You're an arse-hole!"

It always cheered me up.

When Caller ID was introduced, I thought my therapeutic 'arse-hole'
calling would have to stop.
So, I called his number and said, "Hi,
this is John Smith from the telephone company."

"I'm calling to see if you' re familiar with our Caller ID Program?"

He yelled "NO!" and slammed down the phone.
I quickly called him back and said, "That's because you're an arse-hole!" and hung up.

One day I was at the store, getting ready to pull into a parking Spot.
Some guy in a black BMW cut me off and pulled into the spot I had
patiently waited for.

I hit the horn and yelled that I'd been waiting for that spot, but the idiot ignored me.

I noticed a "For Sale" sign in his
back window, so I wrote down his number.

A couple of days later, right after calling the first arse-hole (I had
his number on speed dial),  I thought that I'd better call the BMW
arse-hole, too.

I said, "Is this the man with the black BMW for sale?"
He said, "Yes, it is."  I asked, "Can you tell me where I can see it?"
He said, "Yes, I live at 34 Oaktree Blvd, It's a yellow split-level, and
the car's parked right out in front."

I asked, "What's your name?"
He said, "My name is Don Hansen,"
I asked, "When's a good time to catch you, Don?"
He said, "I'm home every evening after five."

I said, "Listen, Don, can I tell you something?"
He said, "Yes?"
I said, "Don, you're an arse-hole!"
Then I hung up, and added his number to my speed dial, too.
Now, when I had a problem, I had two arse-holes to call.

Then I came up with an idea.  I called arse-hole # 1.

He said, "Hello."

I said, "You're an arse-hole!" (But I didn't hang up.)

He asked, "Are you still there?"
I said, "Yeah,"
He screamed, "Stop calling me,"
I said, "Make me."
He asked, "Who are you?"
I said, "My name is Don Hansen."

He said, "Yeah? Where do you live?"  I said, "Arse-hole, I live at 34
Oaktree Blvd, a yellow split - level, I have a black Beamer parked in
front."

He said, "I'm coming over right now, Don.  And you had better
start saying your prayers."

I said, "Yeah, like I'm really scared, arse-hole," and hung up.

Then I called Arse-hole # 2.

He said, "Hello?"
I said, "Hello, arse-hole,"
He yelled, "If I ever find out who you are..."
I said, "You'll what?  What are you going to do?"
He exclaimed, "I'll kick your arse,"
I answered, "Well, arse-hole, here's your chance.  I'm coming
over right now." 

Then I hung up and immediately called the police, saying that I
lived at 34 Oaktree Blvd, and that I was on my way over there to kill my gay
lover.

Then I called Channel 9 News about the gang war going down at Oaktree
Blvd. I quickly got into my car and headed over there.

I got there just in time to watch two arse-holes beating the crap out of
each other in front of six cop cars, an overhead news helicopter and 
surrounded by a news crew.

NOW, I really feel so much better.

Anger Management it really does work... LOL  : -  )

Add Comment   |   View Comments (19)

19 Oct 2009 7:53 PM

Some of you have kindly commented about my "Uncle Chris" blogs and suggested that I do another about him.  So with the hope that I'm not overdoing it, I will do yet another remembrance of my Uncle Chris and his love of the game of pocket billiards. 

First let me make it clear that the photo I've posted is not of my Uncle Chris.  It is actually a photo of the now deceased but world famous pool or pocket billiard player, Luther "Wimpy" Lassiter.  Some say "Wimpy" was the finest nine-ball player ever of all time.  I was actually very fortunate to see Luther Lassiter play for several hours in a pool hall in New York one day sometime in what I believe was 1971 or 72.  You can't imagine the luck of me even walking into that pool hall and the accident of running into the sight of Luther Lassiter playing big time pool with a local New York pool shark.  But they were playing nine-ball for $200 a rack and eventually played for $500 a rack.  Let me tell you it was something I'll never forget to have seen that man shoot pool in person.  Old "Wimpy" didn't dawdle when he played.  He played fast but he controlled the cue ball that day like he had it on a string and he took that shark and his backers for quite a bit of money that day before they called it quits.  Then the old guy just cased up his cue and walked out of the pool hall with his friends, without hardly a word except to say "nice to meet ya" to the shark and his backers.

Well, I can't post a photo of my Uncle Chris just yet as my scanner is still not operational.  But as this Blog has to do with pocket billiards and because Luther Lassiter and my Uncle Chris looked a little alike, I thought it would be somewhat appropriate to post Mr. Lassiter's photo to give you somewhat of an idea of what Chris looked like.  Chris was smaller and his face was a little thinner and more pointed, but he had the same type face and curly white hair as Mr. Lassiter had in this photo.

Anyway to give you a little background;  My father William had four brothers (Christopher, James, Francis and Richard), and one sister (Elizabeth).  The brothers all were no strangers to the game of pocket billiards.  All of them frequented pool halls since they were kids.  My father and Uncle's Chris and Jimmy were all excellent at pocket billiards.  When I say excellent I'm talking that it was nothing to see any of the three run 50, 60 to even a hundred balls in a game of straight pool.  Actually now that I think of it, when it came to any type of gambling, fighting or drinking the three of them were pretty proficient... lol.  I'd guess some would blame their Irish heritage and some would celebrate it.

But Chris was the best out of the three.  Even in his sixties to seventies he still played a great stick.  When he got on a roll he was like a machine and a joy to see play.  Myself, I was fortunate just to be around my Father and Uncles and to get to shoot some pool with them.  I became pretty good but not even remotely close to any of the three.  But like anything as we get older we begin to lose the eyesight, reflexes, concentration that we had when younger.  So as Chris got older he took to playing the games of nine-ball and six-ball instead of the rigors of a long game of straight pool.  Still despite his age he would pretty much whip me when we played. 

On this one particular night I had met my Uncle Chris at a bar/restaurant in East Haven.  We had a few drinks and something to eat and decided to go shoot some pool.  There was a new pool hall that had opened in New Haven so we took a ride there and just started knocking balls around a little when this cute little Italian girl came in and started practicing bank shots by her self a couple tables away from us.  Well both Chris and I were watching her between our shots, as she was a pretty damn hot looking tomato.  I mean she was one sweet looker and she had on these really tight jeans and well... what the hell.  It also was unusual to see any girl come into a pool hall by her self like that, nonetheless carry her own pool cue.  I would say she was maybe no more than 4 or 5 years older than me, say 27 years old.

Naturally some guys went right over and stopped by to watch and talk to her.  Then the flirting began and next thing you knew she was playing nine-ball with a guy for $20 a rack.  It was pretty obvious that he was trying to get friendly with her and she seemed to be flirting back.  He played okay but he was no great talent.  Still they were playing a money game and after they played about 4 racks they were even.  So now she flirts with him some more and she bumps the price up to $50 a rack and the guy goes along.  I mean what's he going to do, back down from a girl in front of all these guys?  Well, then this she wolf started tearing a hole in this fella's butt... lol.  I mean Ms. Tight Jeans beat him like 5 or 6 racks in a row and he finally swallowed his pride and quit her. 

Then another fella comes over and she is as nice as pie to him so he gives her a try too.  They start out playing for the same $20 a rack and after some heavy flirting they eventually graduate to $50 as well.  In any case this guy didn't have any luck with her either.  By now she must have been four or five hundred bucks ahead and there didn't look like there was going to be any more takers because it was clear she had a good stick.  That is until I see my Uncle Chris ambling over to her to chat her up a little bit.

Well she seemed polite enough to speak to Chris.  I mean she had a pocket full of money now and could have just blew him off as some old guy, but she didn't.  They talked for about 5 minutes and the both of them were putting on the charm so to speak.  Still all the while she kept on practicing her bank shots and bending over and reaching over the pool table giving a show and being nice to "Grandpa".  It sure was nice to ogle her and there was no doubt that she knew about it going on too... lol.  Then the next thing I know she is playing old Uncle Chris for $20 a rack.  Naturally I quit shooting and went over to watch.  Now you had to see it but this girl was being real sweet to Chris.  She was a real hustler and she had her routine down.  Flirt and talk sweet to Grandpa... shoot some damn good nine-ball... and take Grandpa's money... Mostly in that order too, lol. 

Well, Chris didn't complain and just acted like he was a harmless old man that was happy just to get her attention and give this young gal his money.  He appeared like he was on cloud nine just to be chatting and playing nine-ball with this temptress.  Chris made some nice shots but sometimes at key moments his hand would shake and he would miss an important shot or not quite leave the cue ball in position for the next shot.  She also caught on real quick that Chris had a big pocket full of money so now she got even more and more friendly and was touching Chris here and there, laughing and joking and all.  Meanwhile more than a few guys came over to watch this little doll take the old farts money.  Occasionally you could even hear a snicker or two about "Gramps".  But, I really knew better. 

So after about 7 racks Chris let her beat him for about $100 and then complained that he didn't think he'd ever have a chance to get even... but oh no, she quickly relieved him of that concern by giving him a chance and asking him if he wanted to bump the price up to $100 or so if she let him break.  I mean she blew right by the $50 price as she thought she had a real sucker.  So Chris shuffled his feet, wiped his head, hesitated and gave this doleful look over at me as if his nephew should save him...  But I said sure go ahead, you can't take it with you pops... lol

Well needless to say Chris' game immediately got better.  It didn't take long before his "shakes" went away and he was making shots or leaving her safe and without a shot.  So before you knew it Chris had all her money that she had won from the other guys and then some.  The last three racks Chris had broke and ran the table right through to the nine ball.  I mean she was fit to be tied... lol.  Chris was smiling away and being nice as pie but I mean this gal was really pissed now.  The best part was her complaining as she went from sweet to sour real quick and seemed to have murder in her eyes... lol.  But, Chris didn't miss a beat as he took her last hundred bucks.  He just smiled at her and said something like, "Shame on you little girl, trying to take old Grandpa's milk money away.  What were you thinking?"  Then he winked at her, said he had to get back to the "Old Folks Home" and we left. 

It was satisfying for me to watch it all, but for Chris it didn't get any better than that.  To him it was like he had just snuck into the panties of the young gal and then hit the daily lottery number too... lol.  I remember him laughing and cackling away the whole ride home.  He was tickled pink about how he let her do all the hard work for him in getting those other guy's money.  He also glowed in delight about the new dress suit he was going to get courtesy of that little honey.  I guess the lesson of it all is that if you're ever in a pool hall and you see some old white haired guy shooting some pool... think about staying clear and just leave him alone.  He could be a guy like Uncle Chris or even worse he could be a guy like Luther "Wimpy" Lassiter.  Either way, you're probably going to be parting with some money.  Anyway, wherever you're at Uncle Chris, may all be well and I hope you're racking them with some real sweet honeys.  If you think of it, rack one for me too...  Jimmy

Add Comment   |   View Comments (11)

21 Sep 2009 1:27 AM

Well, I thought I'd share another memory of my Uncle Chris with you.  As I said before... even though my Uncle Chris was no youngster he did like to burn the candle at both ends and even in the middle sometimes...

One of Chris' younger friends was named Norman.  Norman was maybe 45 - 50 years old and Chris was maybe 70 at the time of this story.  Now mind you, Norman was a hoot too.  I mean he was the type that didn't just burn the candle at both ends... He just threw the candle out the window.  As I remember it, Norman didn't even have to work at that time.  Apparently years before he worked a construction job and had gotten hurt.  Well he had gone to the right "lawyer" and "doctor" so that he got a huge money settlement and nice disability check thereafter.  So this allowed Norman to just travel around at will and party everyday and all day.  Because he had plenty of money and was willing to spend it, Norman naturally had plenty of lady friends around him too... lol.  Isn't it funny how money and women seem to attract one another and never seem to be far apart?!  I mean, if you have the one, you usually have no problems getting the other's attention.

Anyway, whenever Norman came back to New Haven he would usually look up his good buddy, "Uncle Chris".  Now you have to understand that whenever Norman got involved in anything you could pretty much be sure there was going to be something crazy happening or at least be some trouble in one way or another... and Chris knew it.  So naturally Chris would try to avoid Norman, but more often than not I guess "the flesh was weak" and Chris got roped in on Norman's escapades.  I can remember more than one time when I had to bail Norman out of some trouble at a request from Chris.  One time it even involved a beef with some bikers from Bridgeport, but I won't go into that one today... lol

On this occasion Norman had come into town after a stint in Kansas City and he had returned with this "Hot Tomato" named Janice.  Apparently Janice had a wonderful friend in New Haven named "Truddie".  I kid you not, "Truddie" was her name.  Anyways, Norman rings up Chris and tells him to meet him and his friends for lunch at a local establishment.  Naturally, Norman tells Chris about the wonderful legs this "Janice" has and how her girl friend "Truddie" is built like a brick s h i t t house and oh so lonely... lol... anways, "Janice & Truddie" were coming to lunch as well.

Well let me skip ahead in this story a little bit and I'll come back to "Janice & Truddie" shortly...

So then... around 7pm one Saturday night I'm relaxing at home after playing softball all afternoon, when I get this phone call from my Uncle Chris.  He sounds like crap and he really has this worried tone to his voice.  He says, "Jimmy, look I'm in the Milford hospital and I need you to come up here right now".  I ask him what happened but he tells me never mind and that he'll explain later.  He says he's okay but that he is in sort of a real jam and for me to hurry...  Needless to say, I say I'll be right there... So I get into some jeans and jump into my car, which at the time happened to be a 1971 Corvette... Milford was about 45 minutes away from where I was living at the time.  But I had that Corvette screaming on the thruway and must have gotten there in 25 minutes... After all, it was my Uncle Chris... so I spared no rubber.

Well I get to the hospital, get his room number and rush upstairs.  When I get off the elevator naturally I see Norman and these two "Tomatoes"... and Tomatoes they were too... I mean one look at them and you could tell both of these gals were ready for action... lol.  Needless to say, it starts to fall into place.  I mean I knew if Norman was there that explained part of the problem at least... lol.  So, Norman greets me with a big hello and a "thank God you are here", hugs me and starts to introduce me to "Janice & Truddie"... lol.  I try to get some answers from Norman but he's talking in circles and "Truddie" is all touchy feely and telling me how happy she is to meet Chris' nephew and how she is just dying to see Chris and see how he is... I guess she wants to play Nurse... But I'm worried as hell so I cut them short and excuse myself and I'm off to find Chris' room. 

As I walk down the hallway all of a sudden I hear my name being called out and this time it's my Uncle Chris' "main girlfriend" at the time, Doretta.  Now I really liked Doretta a lot and I would always refer to her as Aunt Doretta as she liked that... So I say... "Hey there Aunt Doretta"... but she will have nothing to do with it, and I can tell she is fuming.  She does give me a hug but the first thing she says is that the Doctors and Nurses won't let her into see Chris.  Dear ole Doretta says she knows something is up because first of all she knows "Chris" and second of all, she has already seen that piece of crap Norman and as I recall it she referred to that sweet "Janice & Truddie" as "t wwa t s"... lol.  Apparently when Doretta showed up, Norman very mistakenly tried to be friendly and introduce his two associates but it didn't go over so good... lol.  But Doretta goes on to tell me about being told how she was stopped from seeing Chris because the only visitors allowed in at this point are direct family.  She is mad as hell and wants me to speak with the Doctor to straighten him out so she can get in to see Chris.  I tell her to give me a few minutes and I'll see what I can do.

So I proceed down the hallway to the Nurse's station and get permission to see Chris.  As I'm family, there was no problemo and the Doctor comes right out to see me too.  First thing he tells me is that Chris is okay but that he was rushed to the hospital from a hotel because he got sick and passed out due to his not taking his Potassium medication in relation to his other meds and uh... the mixed drinks and the "Tomato"... lol.  The Doc tells me that Chris absolutely begged him to not let any visitors in except me, and he chuckles as he realizes the mess waiting for ole Chris if this "Doretta" ever gets into visit.  The Doc says something like, "son, I can fix most medical crap, but this other crap your uncle has going on, I'll leave to you"... Then the Doc says a few other admiring remarks about Chris, his age, the "Tomatoes" and how he hopes he has as much going on for him when he gets that age... Then he tells me "good luck" and he laughs and takes me to Chris.

Well, there is Chris in a white hospital gown and tucked away in the hospital bed all covered up nice with white sheets.  His white hair is combed all nice and neat but he is looking a little pale.  To be honest, with all the white in the room he almost looked "Angelic".  All we needed was a little chamber music... lol.  Well as soon as Chris sees me he asks if I brought a big pebble with me... and we both laugh.  He says maybe I should go out and bring back a boulder...  But he gets serious real quick.  He says he's in a real jam and no way can Doretta be allowed in to see him.  He says there is no way he wants to face that Tigress right now...  He'd rather die... lol.  So I ask him what the hell happened and he tells me that against his better judgment he met Norman and the "Tomatoes" for lunch.  Then afterwards they all went to the Jai Lai fronton to do a little gambling and a little drinking. He says this "Truddie" turned out to be a real friendly gal... and... as Norman was staying at this hotel right down the street in Milford... so one thing led to another and they decide to go back to the hotel where Norman also has a bottle and mixers... to just "socialize" a little bit more.

Well I guess Chris and "Truddie" were having a good ole time... but one thing leads to another and with all the activity Chris started to feel nausea and dizzy...  next thing he starts getting sick and passes out.  So naturally sweet "Truddie" gets real worried thinking maybe she killed ole Chris... so she calls an ambulance and off to the hospital Chris goes... Of course Norman and the "Tomatoes" follow soon after.  Well because Norman, Janice & Truddie are real worried about their pal Chris... Norman feels like he should call someone... He tries calling me several times but I'm not home yet.  So he really starts to fret and winds up doing the unthinkable... To make matters worse, he calls Doretta... yikes... Then after he does, he realizes his mistake... But too late now.  But the Doc lets him in to see Chris real quick and Norman tells Chris the bad news... Needless to say, Chris is fit to be tied!... just what he needs... a visit from Doretta.  Now he wants to kill Norman.  But the Doc ushers Norman out of the room, lol.

Well, I tell Chris I'm no friggin miracle worker but I'll see what I can do.  Chris says, just start by getting Doretta out of here and home.  I tell him maybe I should get rid of Norman and the "Tomatoes" first and then Doretta...  Chris says he doesn't particularly care about the order of movement... but to just get rid of them all... lol.

So I go back down the hallway.  Doretta confronts me first... but I tell her to hold on, I'm working on it... I then go down to Norman and the "Tomatoes".  I take Norman aside and tell him he has to get the flock out of here and to take the ladies with him... He says, "sure Jimmy, I understand"... But he slips me a small piece of paper with his hotel phone number and says to come on over for a drink after I get it all straightened out... He says Truddie kind of likes me... lol... I'm thinking... geez, next thing I'll be in a hospital bed right next to Chris... so I tell him yeah, just to get rid of him...  Everyone shakes hands, light kisses and good byes and at least half of my mission is completed.  Now for the hard part... Doretta... lol

Doretta is not so easy.  I tell her we have to leave and that the Doc says Chris needs rest right now and no more visitors, doctor's orders.  But she isn't happy... I tell her we can't go against the Doctor's orders and why don't we go for something to eat and I'll fill her in...  She's not happy with that but she really has no other options so she agrees... so I have her follow me back to the town she lives in and we stop at a restaurant.  The drive gives me some time to come up with some sort of a story.  Anyway, we order some food and I proceed to tell her that Chris just got back from a long day of fishing in the sun and just forgot to take his potassium medicine for a couple of days and that it all built up until he got real sick...  A neighbor called the ambulance and it just so happened that Norman and the "Tomatoes" by coincidence were going by and seen the ambulance and naturally followed it to the hospital...  I mean... after all, why else would Norman have phoned her... right?  Well, as is so often about lies... they work best if the person on the receiving end really wants to believe... right?  Unfortunately, I don't think Doretta was in the mood for fully believing anything...  But... that was the story I was telling her... and I was sticking to it...

Anyway, they kept Chris in the hospital for another day and then I picked him up and brought him back to his apartment.  After that I spoke with him on the phone but I didn't see him for a couple of weeks.  Then one day I had a few friends over the house and we were having a little impromptu cookout in the yard.  I was living in a house in Guilford and it was out in the country a ways...  In those days it was pretty usual for me to have a few buddies to stop by.  I didn't even have a gas grill.  We just used a small hibachi.  But to be honest I don't think I've ever had better burgers or hot dogs on the new fangled grills then we made with charcoal on that little metal hibachi...  Anyways we always had some fun and it was just a few friends, my Dad, my girl friend at the time, and maybe a neighbor or two.  We all just sat around getting some sun and having a few beers...

Then I noticed this beautiful golden metallic Cadillac car driving down the street.  My house was on a Cul de sac with only 4 other houses, so there really wasn't much traffic on the street and everyone pretty much knew each other's cars.  But this was a car I hadn't seen before... but it kept coming down the street and then this shiny thing pulled into my driveway.  So I walked down to greet the occupants and lo and behold its Uncle Chris and Doretta...  Doretta gets out of the car all excited and jingling the keys to the car and exclaims... "Jimmy, Jimmy look... Chris got me a new car!"  Well, I look over at Chris and he quickly looks away from me and grumbles something like, "don't say a friggin thing..."...lol.  I guess, there's nothing so bad that a "new car" can't fix eh?!... lol.  A few beers later, ole Uncle Chris was smiling again and leans over, laughs and whispers to me, "well, just chalk it up to experience my boy"... lol.  Naturally being the smart ass I was... I ask him... "So how's that nurse Truddie doing?"...  He just smiled and shook his fist at me... lol.  May my Uncle Chris rest in peace surrounded by all kinds of lucious "Tomatoes"... I sure guess there are worse fates... Be good.  Jim

Add Comment   |   View Comments (11)

3 Sep 2009 5:43 AM

Years ago when I was almost a teenager, my Uncle Chris came to live with us.  He was my father's oldest brother and he and my father were close.  I was excited because I loved Chris and he was always so good to me.  What a guy he was.  Chris always had time for me and never treated me as just a little boy.  He taught me a lot.  Though Chris was in his early sixties at the time he had many friends much younger than him.  I remember him tellling me he was born in 1898 and my father commenting, "yeah Abraham Lincoln was president then, wasn't he Chris?"...lol.  But still, he just had this way of fitting in with any age group from children to old folks.  You never looked at him and thought "old fart".  He just transcended age. 

Now, my Uncle Chris was a hoot.  I mean for example, he was a clotheshorse and he always dressed as dapper as can be.  While he worked as a toolmaker during the day, at night or on weekends you often found him in a suit or sport jacket and tie.  If he were being casual he would always have on a dress shirt or cashmere sweater.  Chris always drove nice cars too.  He believed in living large for sure.  He also always had one or two girl friends.  The ladies did love him for sure.  Again he just had this magnetic personality. 

One special day I can still remember is when he came home in this brand new 1962 or 63 white Chevrolet Impala.  It had red leather seats and an automatic stick shift and console.  It had a supersport 327 inch Motor in it and sounded so beautiful.  Later I found out that it was one of only three supersport Impalas that were on the East Coast.  I mean this car was just gorgeous.  Kids and grown men from all around the neighborhood would come over and gaze at it lovingly. 

I was maybe 12 years old and was so fascinated that I couldn't take my eyes off it.  Well the first thing Chris did was put me behind the steering wheel, started it up and had me drive it back and forth in the driveway.  I couldn't believe it.  I mean there were grown guys and teenagers that would have given their eyeteeth to do that, but here I was 12 years old and my uncle Chris was letting me drive this beauty.  He would just sit in the passenger seat with a beer in his hand and say, "forward James".  Then when I could drive no further he would look over at me, wink and say, "okay, now backwards James"... lol. 

Now we would do this reguarly... usually on a Saturday.  Unfortunately, it was a narrow driveway and there were a few times when I would almost hit the neighbor's house while trying to back this beauty.  But Chris wouldn't get mad, he would just say, "whoa... and laugh".  A few times I saw the neighbors looking out their window with troubled, worried looks about their house, but Chris would always be laughing and smiling.  Now mind you, Chris was a horrible driver on his own, but that's another story for another day.  Yet, he just seemed to enjoy giving me the opportunity to enjoy myself.  Of course after that I would voluntarily wash this gorgeous white Impala for Chris anytime.... 

Chris also believed in burning the candle at both ends and loved to go out on the town.  During the day, he worked as a toolmaker. Then he would come home and sometimes have dinner with us... go upstairs, shower, get dressed to kill and go out with either a young lady or some of his friends who generally were all much younger than him.  I grew up referring to his girl friends as Aunt Louise or Aunt Doretta....  Anyway, often he would be coming home to his room at 4am in the morning. 

I remember one particular night (early morning really) when I was woken up by these things hitting my bedroom window.  My room was on the second floor and when I went to the window to see what was going on, there was Chris standing down in the backyard throwing pebbles at my window.  He was surely in a slightly inebriated state... lol.  When I opened the window he held his forefinger to his lips said, "ssshhhhhh... Jimmy come down and let me in, I forgot my house keys".  After that it was like our little secret.  Every once in a while he or I would leave a pebble in the other's shoe to remind the other and have a laugh over it.  Often we would just use the same pebble on each other.  Sometimes if I caught him before he went out I would hand him a pebble and tell him, "just in case", and we would always snicker..... In any case, no matter what time Chris got home, he would always be up at 6 and never miss a day of work. 

How he lived on 2 hours sleep at best used to be a mystery to me.  I mean as a young man I would always sleep at least 8 hours... but now I find myself doing the same.  In fact I have a hard time sleeping.  Anyway Chris just had this way of drawing people to him, young old or in between.  I could tell you many funny stories about his escapades, but there are just too many to write of them all now.  But here is another that has touched me throughout my life to this very day.

Unlike today, when I started in High School there were dress codes.  You could not wear jeans and all boys had to wear a dress tie.  Well before I left for school, often Chris and I would sit in the kitchen having breakfast together.  He usually would have a sleepy or hung-over look from his prior night out.  After about my first 3 days in high school, Chris looked up from his cereal and coffee and said, "Jimmy didn't I see you in that tie yesterday?"  And I remember answering, "yeah, it's my only tie, but its nice ain't it?"  I think he just said, "yup, sure is".  I remember leaving to catch the bus wondering if anyone else was noticing that I was wearing the same tie everyday and where I was going to get a few more ties.  For a boy of 13 or 14 it was a daunting dilemma.

Well, I wasn't left to worry for very long.  Later that day I came home and went to my room.  But when I got there I was greeted with quite a scene.  I mean on my bed were at least a hundred dress ties.  There were silk ties, woolen ties, cotton ties... with all sorts of colors & designs...  There were stripes, squares, diamonds, paisley, solids... whatever.  The ties were also all arranged in this circle and each of them had a windsor knot tied on them too.  There was no note to explain, only a large pebble placed on top...  My beloved German Shepherd dog Duchess was laying next to the bed, almost as if she were guarding my new treasures...  Geez ... I was so amazed.  I couldn't stop smiling.  I remember telling my mother and father and they just nodded their heads at me and smiled yes. 

The next morning before breakfast I made sure to put on the tie I liked best... When I got down to the kitchen Chris seemed to be dragging a little more than usual... but when he looked up at me, he smiled crookedly and said, "nice tie kid".  When I tried to thank him, he just brushed me off and said, "I needed to make room in my closet anyways"...  I can't explain the feeling to be able to wear a different tie to school each day.... I guess this explains my fondness & fascination with dress ties to this day.

I thought of all this again now because I was rearranging my closet and deciding what I could give to the Salvation Army.  So for my own personal enjoyment and memories I thought I'd try to recreate the scene... yup.... that's Rocko guarding the largesse... or maybe he is thinking of picking out one for himself or that Sglezbkx... Anyway, thanks again Uncle Chris... be well.  Jim

Add Comment   |   View Comments (13)

30 Aug 2009 4:18 PM

Okay... here's the head in the hat.... its night time so no sunglasses... Jim

Add Comment   |   View Comments (11)