Anna! Good to see you again. Nice blog there - :)

Oh, Anna, I too have recently gone through the same struggles. I understand how stress can get you down. If you ever need a friend feel free
to contact me, I think I gave you my addy. That hot bath and warm bowl of soup probably was just the ticket to relaxation. Hope you are doing better now.
KD

I too have been very down and crying a lot. No mean feat when u are on anti-depressants and anti anxiety medication, but I managed it! I do what u did anna and go for walks a look at peoples gardens and get idea`s for my own! I wish I could paint,as it too would be a good outlet for pent up emotions. I take photo`s and this is rewarding in its own way too. My cat is my comfort as she knows when I am sad and will come up and lick my tears and "talk" to me! I just cuddle her and feel better for it! My biggest disappointments in life have always been people! I avoid getting close to people now as I end up getting hurt, or disappointed by them! I have made a lonely life for myself, but it sure does eliminate the chance of more hurt and disapointments! I have had too much of this! I have a lot to be thankful for too, one; that I am alive. I am respected in the community. I have family that love me. But that all said and done; I am not happy! I believe that is due to location rather than any particular thing in my life as it is. I love Australia and  thats all I want, and my children and their families in my life!By the same token it would`nt be easy to make yet another start in life at 51. So I feel like I am stuck between a rock and a hard place! So, I exist!........

Nice blog, very nice comments. Good advice Anna, I'm sorry you had to go through that sadness. To the others, good honest comments. Takes courage to bear the soul.
    Eyes I wish you could find more happiness. Will keep up the hope for you. Me, the last time I packed it all up, drove across country, almost 3000 miles, drove by myself...I was 56 years old.
      Don't give up, you are a valuable person. Always know that if you don't know anything else.

I think this is wonderful, Anna.  In very deep depression, though, it is impossible to be so positive - isnt it - just like wading through heavy treacle and completely unable to do something as positive as this.    You must have got a lot beyond that to have been able to be so positive in deciding to do all this  -  well, well done - and I wish you a good route out of any sadness you may experience in the future.  love Cathrynn XX

...thank you one and all for these heartfelt comments above.

...and to Eyes: don't be afraid of the space between your dreams and reality. If you can dream it you can make it so (belva davies). It's very possible that you have only lived half your life...you have a whole other half to go. Go to Australia now and have your children help you "start over".  Throw caution to the wind and as you do you never know what it will bring back to you, a new life, a new friend, a new love, a new country. Don't be afraid of mistakes and obstacles...they are just a part of life...just deal with them or ignore them but stay focused on what really matters to you: your family and a country you love. Everything else will fall into place. You can do it, Eyes. You're not stuck. Believe in your dream. You are free...so go where your happiness lies. Don't burn any bridges....you can always go back to visit the community there that loves and respects you. Go.

ps  Anna - the piece of this that has inspired me most (and it ALL inspired me) - was the sitting in the garden in the sun even though chilly.  I have ALWAYS meant to do this, but cuddle up on the sofa instead.  I think I will make this another New Years resolution...lol..................(safe today, as it is rainy windy).  I have a friend who every morning when she gets up (at 6 am!!!!) sits outside in her garden whatever the weather - except when it is dark, and enjoys her garden, all wrapped up, with a hot coffee and breakfast.  I really admire this as well, but the furthest I have got with this one is to throw open the patio windows in the morning and step outside and just wander around for a bit, then come straight in again!!)  Sometimes, I dont even do this!

To Cathryne: thank you for sharing the part that inspired you. I agree that a solution to clinical depression is much more involved than just deep sadness. I confess that i was only feeling a deep heaviness inside that lasted only a day. However, I believe these steps would be effective for one who is clinically depressed IF they add two more steps...professional counseling and possibly medication (but i feel there are natural "meds" that are better...see below*). If finances can't afford that then i suggest finding a support group like a church family or go to Social Services (or Community Services) in the phonebook and find an array of support groups there for free. There are also online support groups.  Life has lost all it's charm for those clinically depressed and therefore it is vital that a passion is found to immerse oneself in that gives immediate pleasure (and i don't mean chocolate...*S* although that does raise your seratonin level temporarily). Finding it is tough but there is something for everyone. Seek and ye shall find. For me it's painting. For you it's photography. Take it a further step...make a goal to frame a series of your best photos to enter into a photo contest or even to just hang on your wall...something to look forward to...an accomplishment. For men it may be woodwork or gardening or reading. There is a guy at our church whose passion it is to send every member of the church birthday cards and Christmas cards. People then shower him with thank yous, smiles, and hugs. It works well for all and keeps him very busy.

*NOTE: Sunshine and physical activity reverses depression...a 20 minute walk per day during sunlight hours. Eliminate all processed foods.

*INSTEAD OF PRESCRIPTION MEDS:
Chromium picolinate: 200-400 mcg daily.
B-complex vitamins: High-potency "B50" multiple.
5-HTP: 400 mg, before bed. Take with a small protein snack to enhance absorption.
SAMe: 800 mg daily.
St. John's Wort: 300 mg of standardized extract, three times daily.

Cautions: do not combine 5-HPT, SAMe, and St. John's wort without a physician's guidance. Similarly, do not combine these three supplements with a prescription antidepressant unless instructed by a physician

Thank you, Anna. This is some valuable information that could help many.

Sounds like you decided YOU are the most important person that matters to yourself. That is the best thing you could possibly do for yourself.

Once you understand what makes you happy then everything begins to make sense in the world around you.

When you think about the beginning of mankind and how all the comforts man has developed to NOT enjoy the simple things in life it almost seems funny that flowers, sunshine, and non processed foods would bring pleasure.

Life is great when focusing on what makes you happy is in place. That happiness is contagious especially to the ones you love. 

...very wise, enlightening, and interesting, as usual. And i see your photo next to your name is still one of your many passions...your very own herb garden...the likes of which i've never seen before! Perfect example of immersing yourself in a pleasurable and rewarding activity....not to mention healthy!

this all shows much wisdom, Anna.  I have just come out of several years of very serious difficulty, in all sorts of ways and only this year am finding that I need to properly look after myself again - or rather, that I WANT to look after myself again...:).................and the ways you have listed to do so, are ones that I can do now - so I truly thank you very much...:)  hugs to you...Cathrynn XX

ps have saved the post to remind me..:)

...it's great how we can all learn from one another...knowledge is power...and i've been blessed by reading your blogs too....they are so open and honest, so endearing how you take care of your mom, and always show kindness. Everyone loves you here, Cathryne...you're the kind of friend everyone wants.

Thank you for sharing. I hope today finds you refreshed and with a calm and peaceful heart

...thank you very much, rainbow...welcome...nice to meet you *S*

when u think whats going on in the world today we  should be thankful!  I'm lucky, I have a roof over my head, warmth, food, husband, son and grandchildren! Plus all the lovely people I've met on here.  Thanks for the comment on my blog anna, I'm getting there slowly (wherever 'there' is!) Luv J