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23 Aug 2008 11:20 PM

Some call it frugal, others penny pinching - I call it dual purpose.
Our cooking facilities are principally the micro wave (morning milk), & the
Rayburn - a tribute to Scottish Engineering. Not only does it have  a constant
hot plate & oven, it also has a copper boiler behind the firebox, which produces
hot water - all for the cost of getting the wood for it.
Well almost - there is a maintenance function - wood produces tar/creosote
which builds up at the top of the chimney wehre the cool air strikes the smoke.
So perhaps twice a year the flue needs cleaning, & as you can no longer stick
children down them to sweep the chimney, one must do it one's self.
Tools for said operation are:
ladder, to get onto the roof
chain, to dislodge the gunk
vacuum cleaner, to remove whatever spills onto the roof -
              we collect the water for drinking
This job was performed with a minimum of fuss & mishaps, giving the
loungeroom heater a belt as well. Unfortunately, the bulk of the gunk falls
down the flue, and thus has to be removed before a fire can be relit.
This involves remocing a plate in the front of the flue, at the top of the oven,
sticking in the vacuum hose, & cleaning it out - a job of 3-4 minutes (there's
a fair build up of el crappo) The vacuum, not your Chinese stuff, good old
ShopVac (USA), fairly new, following it's predecessor's demise (another story)
was set to work - it could easily fall victim to a Nigerian scam - it's such a great
sucker, & the stove was cleaned in no time at all.

Then - upon switching it off - I looked up to see - refer picture.
Somehow the filtration system either doesn't exist or is unconventional.
The heavy ash etc was wonderfully deposited into the cleaner's barrel,
but the "fines" just kept coming out the return air vent.
The result was a mini Pompeii, with black soot covering EVERYTHING -
even the sugar! Not just in the kitchen either, a haze filled the house!

Fortunately, she who must be obeyed was doing something with roses
(outside), so I had time to consider the position. Open some windows at least!
each step evidenced my passing, with tracks across the floor.
A washed floor, vacuumed (Dyson, NOT the Shopvac!) loungeroom, bench wipedown & stove sponge resulted, to a man's view, success - HAH!
We men (well this one, anyway) don't think of railings, door trims, fridge tops
& the like.

MO "What HAVE you done?"
O "Cleaned up a bit of a mess - dear!"
MO "Where? - everything is black!"
O  "Well I did the floor 3 times"
MO "4 may be in order"

And who had forgotten that the heater in the loungeroom is still waiting its turn?
No vacuum here! - lateral thinking - one plastic shopping bag inside another, paper in the bottom - shovel it in - job done!
A fine plan! - a dismal outcome.
The coals & ash, though not stoked all day, were in fact still warm enough to
melt little holes in the plastic (which I didn't see- of course), and thus the
trip from fireplace to outside was marked by an ever-widening trail of wood ash that Hansel unt Gretel would have found perfect!

I thus abandoned indoor efforts & made & planted 2 beds of strawberries & raspberries to try to soothe the savage beast.
I did get tea, maybe it worked!

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