14 Nov 2009 5:32 AM

i don,t think im losing my marbles. life is really quite sweet. but i find more and more, that my toes become sore.OH, my shoes are on the wrong feet yesterday i went to luncheon, YORKSHIRE PUD,AND A NICE BIT OF BEEF.wasn,t able to chew the way i used to do. i,d forgotten my teeth. can,t read cos i can,t find my glasses. i,ll go for a nice walk instead.said my grandson,you,re getting hopeless. they,re sitting on your head? ivgot my coat and my gloves and coat on. now all i need is my hat. as i reach the door he lets out a roar.GRANDMA, YOUR WEARING THE HAT?          cheers stella, it aint me.

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12 Nov 2009 5:19 AM

I dreamed i  saw the hope of peace.With loved ones in our arms. When fear of war had passed away. No more the call to arms. But peace is like the poppy.So fragile in its charm.there is no hope of that,sweet peace.till all countries,disarm.  cheerssss        stella.

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31 Oct 2009 10:42 PM

A young man.shopping in a supermarket, noticed a little old woman following him around. If he stopped, she stopped.furthermore,she kept staring at him.She finally overtook himat the checkout,andsaid,,, i hope i haven,t made you feel at ease,,,Its just that you look so much like my late son?THAT,S OK, the young man replied. i know its silly, but if you,d call out GOODBYE MUM,, as i leave the shop.it would make me feel so happy,she said.She then went to through the checkout and, as she went on her way out of the shop, the nice young man called out GOODBYE,MAM.tHE LITTLE OLD WOMAN WAVED AND SMILED BACK AT HIM. pleased that he had brought a little sunshine,into someones day.He went to pay for his basket of groceries.THAT COMES TO 68 pounds,,,,99pence.checkout girl said.HOW COME IT,S SO MUCH? THE YOUNG MAN QUERIED. I ONLY BOUGHT FIVE ITEMS?..the checkout girl replied, YES but your mother said, you,d be paying for her things to.  MORAL,,,,,  DON,T TRUST LITTLE LADIES. LOL,LOL          CHEERS STELLA.

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16 Oct 2009 3:48 AM

It were lovely wedding day, Of that you cannot doubt. With sweet sheery for the ladies.The men all stuck to stout.  Aunt Hilda made some sausage rolls she,d.put in to much lard. We fed one to the Whippet.And he threw up in the yard.The sandwiches were grated cheese.The bread, i fear was stale.It made your mouth as dry as dust. So i sent out for more ale.The wedding cake were very nice.Professionaly madent hilda,s neighbour,s cousin,s girl.Had once worked in the  trade.She stirred in all the brandy, We,d been saving for WAKE.  And mother,s homemade parsnip wine, To my mind, a mistake,no one complained the cake was dry.Of that you can be sure,For when we came to cut the thing, It trickled on the floor.Some quests were looking ill at ease, BUT SAID THAT WAS FINE,tHEY TOASTED US IN WEDDING CAKE.Since id finished off the wine. Her father made a speech of sorts, ITdidn,t make much sense. He thought his girl too good for me.I think i took offence, Imeant to shake him by the hand, But the room were spinning round. AND THE NEXT THING I REMEMBER WAS HE WERE LAID OUT ON THE GROUND,his family,all came after me,HIS WIFE,THREE SONS,MY WIFE,I COULDN,HELP BUT NOTICE SHE SEEMED ON HER FATHERS SIDE, i tryed to calm her down,of course. WHAT HAPPENED, IM NOT SURE BUT THE NEXT THING I REMEMBER WAS.SHE WAS FLAT OUT ON THE FLOOR?;;;;;;;;;;THE DIVORCE;;;;WAS QUITE A GRIM AFFAIR. THEY CLAIMED, I WAS TO BLAME.STILL?MY WEDDINGDAY,I HAVE TO SAY, WERE LOVELY, ALL THE SAME.  cheers stella.

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14 Oct 2009 11:31 PM

A duck,walks in to a pub, and orders a pint of beer,and ham sandwich.The barman looks at him and say,s hang on?you,re a duck.i see your eyes working . replies the duck.And you can talk?exclaims the barman.I see your ears working too, says the duck.Now if you dont mind, can i have my beer.and my sandwich please.Certainly, sorry about that.says the barman as he pulls the duck,s pint its just we don,t get many duck,s in this pub. What are you doing around this way.Im working on a building site, across the road.explains the  duck.The flabbergasted barman want,s to learn more, But takes the hint when the duck pulls out a newspaper, from his bag, and proceeds to read it.So the duck reads his paper, drinks his beer, eats his sandwich.bids the barman good day and leaves.,,,,the same thing happens for 2 weeks. Until the circus comes to town,  the Ringmaster comes in to the pub, for a pint.and the barman says,,,, i know this duck that could be just brilliant in your circus,,,,He talks, drinks beer, eat sandwichs, and everthing, Sounds marvellous,says the the Ringmaster.handing over  his business card.GET HIM TO GIVE ME A CALL.so the next day when duck, comes in the pub.the barman says,HEY MR DUCK,i reckon i can line you up for a good job.Im always looking for the next job says ducK WHERE IS IT?at the circus.THE CIRCUS? REPEATS THE DUCK.YOU MEAN THAT PLACE WITH THE BIG TENT? thats right replies the barman.WITH ALL THE ANIMALS, WHO LIVE IN CAGES, AND PERFORMERS WHO LIVE IN CARAVANS? SAYS DUCK.of course, the barman replies.AND THE TENT HAS CANVAS SIDES, AND A BIG CANVAS ROOF WITH A BIG HOLE IN THE MIDDLE? PERSISTS THE DUCK.thats right ..says the barman. the duck  shakes his head INAMAZEMENT AND SAYS,,,,WHAT ON EARTH WOULD THEY WANT WITH A PLASTERER?/????                cheers stella

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