To lose a partner, puts one in a difficult situation. After 56 years of marriage I am, now, a widow, and have to arrange my own life. I'd nursed my husband through a serious illness for 7 months. As a young person, I had always thought I would certainly become a nurse. There was a waiting list at the public hospital in our town, so while I was waiting, I worked in a private hospital, for a few months.

Even though I was on the lowest level there, I was looking forward to the time when I would finish my training. It worked out that I never even started. I got married, and settled down to a very busy life in a different direction. So, to nurse my husband, was no great hardship for me.

There very many ups and downs during that year. About half-way through it, we were both in bed with the flu. That lasted about two weeks. Soon after we recovered, I had to have a small operation on my leg. I was sent home with an impressive looking white bandage, from my foot to above my knee, and my leg had to be kept off the floor. One day that week, we had a phone call from overseas friends, who were in town. and would like to come and see us that afternoon. I don't think we were a very good host and hostess that day. They were very welcome guests but they didn't know that that was the last time they would see their special friend.

My husband was a good patient, and even though he had always enjoyed good health throughout his life, and in retirement, he was very longsuffering and uncomplaining during his illness. We knew what the end would be for him, so were really preparing ourselves for what lay ahead. I had really been grieving all that time.

After his death, the loneliness I felt was tempered by the thought that he was now free from pain, and the worries of this life. He had spent time thinking about all of our business affairs, and getting everything in order. We had spoken about things like "Should we get another car?" The present one had been his pride and joy. Now that I would have to maintain it myself, would I be better able to do so, with a later model.That didn't seem then to be an important issue. I had always been used to having my say but, then could safely leave the final decision to him. Now I had to make my own final decisions, and I am still doing that.

There are many decisions to be made, when living alone. All kinds of small and large things turn up. There was no longer anyone to check that I had locked the doors each evening. When I mentioned this to my friend one day, she promptly decided that she would remind me. She promised to ring me every night at about 9 o'clock. This, she has done for several years. When she goes away for her holidays she arranges for someone else to do it. Such is the kindness of so many people around me.

Suddenly the weekly rubbish no longer seems to know how to get itself up on to the grass verge by the gate. It would just sit there and wait for me to carry it up. The telephone and electricity accounts, the rates and insurance accounts all wait for me to read and pay. The lawns very quickly grew long, unless I cut them. I had to wash the car, and remember to buy petrol for it. That was a new experience for me. I had driven a car since I was a child, but can't remember ever buying petrol. I had to wash the outside of the windows, as well as the inside. Most of these things I can do, but sometimes I have to ask for assistance. That was another lesson to learn. I need to ask for help sometimes, and can do that more easily now.

Since I have been widowed, I now appreciate the many little things my husband would do, as his part towards our marriage and life together. When I have visitors now, I have to be in the lounge to entertain them, and also in the kitchen at the same time, to get them a nice meal. My husband was a good conversationalist and a clever story-teller. He could hold the interest of small children and adults alike - often to the relief of our visitors, when Junior wanted to go exploring in new territory. It was quite amazing what the fish in the fishpond would say to him, or why the little potatoes would pop out of the garden, or how the greedy seagull grabbed the sausage out of the hand of the naughty boy.

Just little incidents that happened, but came to life so vividly in the telling of the story from such an imaginative mind. I enjoyed being a nice hostess, having learned those skills from my mother so long ago. We used to compliment each other in company, but now, I had to tell my own stories as well. But old friends understand and they still come to visit me.

My husband passed away towards the end of the year. In about a month Christmas would be with us. How could I possibly face it this year. We had made such fun for our children all these past years. Oh, yes, they are all grown up now, but my memories last a long time. There was all the baking and preparations. The city cousins would sometimes be there to swell the numbers of young enthusiasm. One Christmas, when they were growing up, they decided to settle the problem they had wondered about. This year they would find out, finally, if Santa really did put their presents by their beds. The boys sealed some stones in some tins. They worked out how to balance the rattly tins on their bedroom doors. They would catch him, this year!! In the morning, the tins were in their place, as they left them, and their presents were in their usual place. Strange how clever Santa must be!

One Christmas, our little 3 year old grand-daughter came up to Santa, very shyly, to receive her gift. He was a lovely old Santa, and had given gifts to all the other little children around her. There was so much excitement as mothers helped unwrap them. What would she get from him? Mummy helped her get up the steps on to the stage. Santa's eyes twinkled, as he gave it to her. She stood and looked so intently at him for a moment. As she turned to come down, she told Mummy in a loud voice, "That's my Grandpa!" My lonely Christmas problem was solved when a friend took me away to the coast for a few days. It was a very healing time.

As the time slowly went on, in the New Year, the grief I felt after the loss of my husband, seemed to prepare me, during those months of nursing him, for the change in my new life ahead. I only made slow progress in those early days. I was incapable of thinking ahead for more than a few hours. Each day was as much as I could plan for. Next week was too far ahead for me to consider. There were lots of small things to be done. One day I sorted out all of his shirts, and washed them. Later that day, when I looked out, they had all disappeared off the line! The puzzle was solved next day, when my neighbour brought them all back. She had ironed them and they were folded ready to be taken to the pre-loved clothing shop in town. Such acts of kindness are so greatly appreciated at a time like this. I do have a wonderful family and friends, and they all helped me so much. But, even though they were always there for me, I still had to cope within myself. No-one else could do that. For 78 years, I had always had someone nearby to help with my problems, but this time, I was alone, so I drifted through the days and weeks. Gradually and imperceptibly, I progressed along this new road. Time passed in spite of my problems.

There are many things I have done, as I travelled along life's road, to prepare myself for the future. Life was too busy and too interesting to think much about old age. But while I was coping with my affairs, I was making preparations. I learned to get involved in what was going on around me, so that, now, I am thankful for all the little skills I have learned, by just watching and helping.My confidence has largely returned and I can be happy, most of the time. My hobbies and my family and friends fill the days usefully. Having had this experience I am able to listen, when others feel the need for a sympathetic and understanding ear.

Copyright © Annie Thornton