Losing a partner
To lose a partner, puts one in a difficult situation. After 56
years of marriage I am, now, a widow, and have to arrange my own life.
I'd nursed my husband through a serious illness for 7 months. As a
young person, I had always thought I would certainly become a nurse.
There was a waiting list at the public hospital in our town, so while I
was waiting, I worked in a private hospital, for a few months.
Even though I was on the lowest level there, I was looking forward
to the time when I would finish my training. It worked out that I never
even started. I got married, and settled down to a very busy life in a
different direction. So, to nurse my husband, was no great hardship for
me.
There very many ups and downs during that year. About half-way
through it, we were both in bed with the flu. That lasted about two
weeks.
Soon after we recovered, I had to have a small
operation on my leg. I was sent home with an impressive looking white
bandage, from my foot to above my knee, and my leg had to be kept off
the floor. One day that week, we had a phone call from overseas
friends, who were in town. and would like to come and see us that
afternoon. I don't think we were a very good host and hostess that day.
They were very welcome guests but they didn't know that that was the last time they would see their special friend.
My husband was a good patient, and even though he had always
enjoyed good health throughout his life, and in retirement, he was very
longsuffering and uncomplaining during his illness. We knew what the
end would be for him, so were really preparing ourselves for what lay
ahead. I had really been grieving all that time.
After his death, the loneliness I felt was tempered by the thought
that he was now free from pain, and the worries of this life. He had
spent time thinking about all of our business affairs, and getting
everything in order.
We had spoken about
things like "Should we get another car?" The present one had been his
pride and joy. Now that I would have to maintain it myself, would I be
better able to do so, with a later model.That didn't seem then to be an
important issue. I had always been used to having my say but, then
could safely leave the final decision to him. Now I had to make my own
final decisions, and I am still doing that.
There are many decisions to be made, when living alone. All kinds of small and large things turn up.
There was no longer anyone to check that I had locked the doors each
evening. When I mentioned this to my friend one day, she promptly
decided that she would remind me. She promised to ring me every night
at about 9 o'clock.
This, she has done for
several years. When she goes away for her holidays she arranges for
someone else to do it. Such is the kindness of so many people around
me.
Suddenly the weekly rubbish no longer seems to know how to get
itself up on to the grass verge by the gate. It would just sit there
and wait for me to carry it up. The telephone and electricity accounts,
the rates and insurance accounts all wait for me to read and pay. The
lawns very quickly grew long, unless I cut them.
I
had to wash the car, and remember to buy petrol for it. That was a new
experience for me. I had driven a car since I was a child, but can't
remember ever buying petrol. I had to wash the outside of the windows,
as well as the inside. Most of these things I can do, but sometimes I
have to ask for assistance. That was another lesson to learn. I need to
ask for help sometimes, and can do that more easily now.
Since I have been widowed, I now appreciate the many little things
my husband would do, as his part towards our marriage and life
together. When I have visitors now, I have to be in the lounge to
entertain them, and also in the kitchen at the same time, to get them a
nice meal. My husband was a good conversationalist and a clever
story-teller. He could hold the interest of small children and adults
alike - often to the relief of our visitors, when Junior wanted to go
exploring in new territory. It was quite amazing what the fish in the
fishpond would say to him, or why the little potatoes would pop out of
the garden, or how the greedy seagull grabbed the sausage out of the
hand of the naughty boy.
My husband passed away towards the end of the year. In about a month
Christmas would be with us. How could I possibly face it this year. We
had made such fun for our children all these past years. Oh, yes, they
are all grown up now, but my memories last a long time. There was all
the baking and preparations. The city cousins would sometimes be there
to swell the numbers of young enthusiasm. One Christmas, when they were
growing up, they decided to settle the problem they had wondered about.
This year they would find out, finally, if Santa really did put their
presents by their beds. The boys sealed some stones in some tins. They
worked out how to balance the rattly tins on their bedroom doors. They
would catch him, this year!! In the morning, the tins were in their
place, as they left them, and their presents were in their usual place.